An open letter to my co-workers: Please don't talk to me on the shitter.

Dear Coworkers:

I understand that the location of our job (right next to Starbuck's, which everyone effectively consumes at 8:45) causes a group of individuals to deposit our morning bodily waste at approximately the same time as each other, every single day, so as to be unencumbered during the course of normal business hours. Further, I understand that a men's room with only 3 toilet stalls is a woefully inadequate inventory to satisfy the needs of 125 male individuals who all must deposit said waste during the span of a brief half hour every day. Finally, I understand that the inability of our men's room to service everybody's bodily requirements simultaneously causes the unfortunate formation of long lines in the restroom foyer, alongside the sinks, between the entryway and the stalls.

HOWEVER, I do not understand your need to consistently force conversation upon me prior to, during, or immediately following the act of dropping the cosby kids off at the pool. Please refrain, in the future, from engaging in any act of this nature, limited, but not exclusive to, the following examples:

Case 1: Me, in line for the next available stall
Coworker #1 (in line behind me): "Oh man, this one's gonna be a doosie. I had some chili for dinner last night"
... this is completely unnecessary. Not only don't I want to talk to you while I'm quietly biding my time to drop my solid Sam Adams, I certainly don't need to hear that when you sit down in the stall next to me, the squishy, ploppy sound which is inevitably coming from you will be the result of chunky, partially digested kidney beans and ground beef coming out of your unholiest of holies.

Case 2: Me, on the pooper, (relatively) quiet and minding my own business while reading the sports page.
Coworker #2: "Hey John, is that you over there?" (uncomfortable silence)
Me: "um, no"
Coworker #2: "Oh, sorry. It sounded like John "
... first of all, what? How do you know what John sounds like on the john? Second, why do you care if your buddy John is the one sitting next to you while you're in there? Pick up a goddamn newspaper and keep to yourself.

Case #3: Me, exiting a stall, having finished my business, on my way to wash my hands.
Coworker #3 (next in line): "Thanks man"
... um, sure? You're welcome? Be sure to enjoy the uncomfortable warmth that my bare ass left on the toilet seat which will invariably remain until you sit down and realize you wish you were in a nice, isolated bathroom stall, where you wouldn't have to think about the bare (and possibly hairy) ass of the last guy who shat there.

My point is this: I enjoy the relative anonymity that a public restroom stall should provide to one while he or she is doing his or her business. I find it difficult to believe that we, as humans, feel the need to experience situations such as this communally, and as such, I have only request: Please don't talk to me in the john and leave me the fuck alone!

On that note, the selections for the day come from everyone's favorite six-man aussie DJ team, The Avalanches. I am posting four of the recordings I own, along with brief descriptions.

First up if the only officially-released full length LP, "Since I left You", which is a timeless classic due to it's sheer originality and the monumental difficulties they encountered while trying to get each of the 900 samples that had to be approved before release.
Part one - http://rapidshare.de/files/5684450/avalanches.zip.html
Part two - http://rapidshare.de/files/5684182/since_i_left_you.zip.html


Next up are 2 kick-ass live sets, one from the Breezeblock sessions from Radio 1 in England... I have the other breezeblocks somewhere, and if you are interested in it shoot me an email and I'll track them down.

Avalanches - Cornerstone Set: http://rapidshare.de/files/5684317/Avalanches_Live.mp3.html

Avalanches - Breezeblock Showcase (12th September 2000): http://rapidshare.de/files/5684440/Breezeblock_-_HOT_Avalanches.mp3.html

Set List:
The Avalanches - Since I Left You
Madonna - Holiday
Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone
The Avalanches - Stay Another Season
The Avalanches - Two Hearts In 3/4 Time
De La Soul - A Roller Skating Jam Named "Saturdays"
Blowfly - Rapp Dirty
Ol' Dirty Bastard - Baby Got Ya Money
Roy Ayres - Running Away
Kid Creole And The Coconuts - Stool Pigeon
The Avalanches - Close To You
Jimi Hendrix - Crosstown Traffic
Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Thomas Bangalter - Extra Dry
The Smiths - The Boy With The Thorn In His Side
Thomas Bangalter - Spinal Scratch
Madcatt Courtship - The Kitty Lounge
Men At Work - Down Under
De La Soul - Ring Ring Ring
The Avalanches - Electricity
A Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation
Daft Punk - Oh Yeah
Detroit Grand Pubahs - Sandwiches
Hall & Oates - I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)
Fatboy Slim - Fatboy Slim Is Fucking In Heaven
The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Jurassic 5 - Jayou
Deee-Lite - Groove Is In The Heart
West Street Mob - Break Dance Electric Boogie (Junior Cartier Mix)
Gonzalez - Real Motherfuckin' Music
The Avalanches - Little Journey
The Avalanches - Diners Only
The Avalanches - A Different Feeling


And finally, the un-released GIMIX LP. There are two reasons why the disc will never find commercial release: sample clearance and the money required to gain it. Within the 46 minutes of Gimix , which is essentially a DJ mix with tweaked stretches of Since I Left You interwoven to stitch it all together, a laundry list of guilty pleasures, pop favorites, and rare grooves are melded into each other in imaginative and often hilarious ways. Strange bedfellows are the rule. The exuberant refrain from De la Soul 's "A Roller Skating Jam Named 'Saturdays'" pops up repeatedly throughout a block that takes in Blowfly 's "Rapp Dirty," Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Baby Got Ya Money," Kid Creole & the Coconuts' "Stool Pigeon," the Avalanches own "Close to You," the Jimi Hendrix Experience's "Crosstown Traffic," Cyndi Lauper 's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," the Smiths' "The Boy With the Thorn in His Side," and Thomas Bangalter 's "Turbo." (Just as key: the synth guitar freakout of the latter syncs right up with the flute from Men at Work's "Down Under.") There's no doubt that it's a purist's nightmare. The Beatles , Michael Jackson , The Mickey Mouse Club, and Bob Dylan, whose "Like a Rolling Stone" glides right over Madonna 's "Holiday," each get thrown through the processor. It's too bad that the Avalanches don't have the funds to officially release mixes like this and have them pumped through every theme park and car wash on the planet.

The Avalanches - GIMIX - http://s28.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0EG55AUANAZXB1TL58FV48G13Y